Disasterpiece
by astral-angel
Summary: A stalker. A set up. Jealousy. Matchmakers. Lust. Hate. Love. Regrets. The WWE RAW roster. Disaster is much too tame a word for what ensues. Full summary inside


**Title:** Disasterpiece

**Author:** Mauzi

**Email:** WWE

**Characters: **Lita, Triple H, Victoria, Jericho, Batista, Trish, Christian, Tomko, others

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters belong to me. Not even Jericho. :sighs wistfully:**Rating:** Eh.

**Spoilers:** Um, let's see. Pre Survivor Series '04.

**Summary:** Hunter's decided that Lita's not living to her full potential. Lita wants him to stay away from her, if only so she doesn't end up falling head over heels for him. Victoria's trying to get Lita to go out with Batista, but only succeeds in making Jericho fall in love with her. Trish and Christian have decided they want Jericho and Lita back. Tomko thinks that while the entire RAW roster has gone insane, Victoria's still extremely cute. Disaster is too tame a word for what ensues.

**Notes:** No Kane/Lita/Matt thing ever happened. Ever. The title of this fic is tribute to the fact that I was listening to Slipknot when I came up with this insanity.

**Part (1?)**

He was looking at her again.

She felt a chill run down her spine and she frowned, looking towards the woman in front of her for confirmation. The raven haired diva raised a questioning eyebrow before casually sweeping her eyes across the room. Sighing, she nodded, dark eyes filled with worry.

At the nod, she let out a sigh of her own, hazel eyes grim. Uneasy, she ran a hand through her hair. Lita was worried. She figured that she had a right to be. The last time someone had had a fixation on her, she'd had to suffer through the whole Malenko debacle. And that was something that she never wanted to go through again. Ever.

She could feel his eyes boring into her back. Hating the instinctive reaction, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. When she spoke, her voice came out in a soft hiss.

"What the hell is he doing?"

Still looking worried, Victoria managed a half hearted smirk, lips curving momentarily.

"He's looking at you. In fact, he's been looking at you ever since we walked into the room. I think. Most likely, he hasn't taken his eyes off you for the last fifteen minutes."

Lita scowled, rolling her eyes.

"Thanks Vic, that's a lot of help. I already know that. What I don't know is why!"

Victoria rolled her own, snickering.

"It must be because of your sparkling personality. I mean, you're such a joy to be around."

The redhead's eyes narrowed as she fought to keep her lips from tilting upwards.

"Are you trying to say that I'm not? Bitch."

"Ho." Victoria shot back, smirking. "All I'm saying is that lately you do nothing but complain about Trish. Not that I mind dissing her, it's just that you're almost as bad as Jericho was back when that whole thing happened."

"Ha! I knew you'd find a way to work him into the conversation." Lita smirked, half relieved that they were no longer talking about the pair of eyes still fixated on her.

"Excuse me? What exactly are you trying to say?" Victoria sputtered, feeling her cheeks grow hot.

"Me? Nothing. I was just stating a fact." Lita said, struggling with the effort to keep her face straight. "You know you're blushing right?" She added almost as an afterthought. Victoria scowled, glaring at her.

"Shut it. He's still looking at you."

"She says, changing the subject." Lita muttered under her breath, scowling at the smirking brunette.

"I don't like this Li."

"What, that he's staring at me, or that I noticed that you changed the subject?" She smirked briefly before becoming serious. "It's not good."

"It's Triple H. The word good shouldn't be used when talking about him. It doesn't apply."

"Fair enough. And I don't like it either. Hunter fixated on someone is bad enough. When it's me, it's damn right wrong."

"You know what you need to do?" Victoria's suddenly bright face had Lita narrowing her eyes warily.

"What?"

"You need to find a guy. Someone big and scary so that Hunter will stop stalking you."

"Stalking? What stalking? I've only noticed the staring." Lita looked slightly alarmed.

"No, there's definitely been stalking." Victoria nodded wisely, guiltily crossing her fingers under the table. "See? I told you, you need a guy."

"Vic, it's Hunter. There aren't that many guys on the roster that he's scared of."

"If I told you I knew a guy, would you do it?" Victoria held her breath as Lita's expression wavered. Mentally apologising for even thinking her next words, she continued. "Or are you happy with Triple H stalking you? I mean, you seem to be on a first name basis with him. Maybe the staring thing is just some weird kinky sex game you guys are playing."

Lita stared at her, and started to speak, only to close her mouth again. Silent, she closed her eyes, trying to banish the scary mental images that the words had provoked. Finally, the redhead narrowed her eyes, finding her voice.

"Oh, that's beyond disgusting. And low."

"What is?" Victoria looked up to see Chris Jericho plop down on the seat next to Lita, a cheerful expression on his face as he picked up the redhead's drink.

"Lita and Triple H are playing a weird kinky sex game." She grinned as Jericho sputtered, face flushing.

"Huh? Wha? Eh?" He looked between the two divas, eyes wide. Lita scowled.

"Nothing. Victoria just thinks she's being funny." Chris shuddered, frowning at the woman sitting opposite him.

"Sweetheart, there is no way that that statement could ever be considered as funny. Ever."

"Well, she's the one who doesn't want to do anything about Triple H stalking her." She sighed when Jericho's eyes darkened. "Down, boy. He hasn't done anything. Yet."

"I'll kill him."

"Or, you could convince Li to go out with someone who Hunter will be afraid of, and thus will stop stalking her. Plus, it'll involve less bloodshed." She smiled triumphantly as Chris nodded, an expression of consideration on his face.

"Okay." Turning to the now seething redhead, he slung an arm around her shoulders. "So, Li, when do you wanna go out? And can I take advantage?"

"What? No, no!" Both Lita and Chris looked at Victoria, nonplussed. Hastily, she attempted to cover her tracks. "What I mean is, well, you're just not that scary Chris."

"Hey." The blonde looked affronted.

"Sorry to say it Chris, but she's right." Smirking, Lita kissed the blonde's cheek softly. "Don't worry, we still love you."

"So, sorry Jerky, you're just not going to cut it. However, I know just the guy who will."

Lita arched an eyebrow, a curious expression on her face. Chris still looked vaguely insulted so she leaned over and patted his shoulder before taking a deep breath, prepared for the explosion her next word would bring.

"Well?" Victoria rolled her eyes at the impatient redhead. Trust Lita to ruin the tension she'd been trying to build up. She sighed and leaned as far back as her chair would allow, aware that her body was tensed.

"Batista."


End file.
